How to deal reactive attachment disorder

Attachment is a great fabricator of illusions; reality can be attained by someone who is detached.–Simone Weil

Lying is one of the unwanted behaviours of children that worry any parent tremendously. Is there another worse form of lying? Yes, it is called “crazy lying”.  Crazy lying is lying about something that is ridiculously obvious. Lying is typical of children who want to avoid a parent’s wrath. Crazy lying is typical of children with Reactive Attachment Disorder. It is a response to stress. Lying can be addressed by natural and logical consequences and realistic expectations. Crazy Lying can only be addressed by removing “extreme fear” in the child and therapeutic parenting. 

Tips to Help Parents Deal with Crazy Lying

1. Stop worrying about “why” a child lies and “changing them” for now. Instead, concentrate on building a firm foundation of love in your family.

2. Take time to make a solid self-care plan to de-stress and relax. The actions of a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder will not change, so you need to change your own attitude towards the situation.

3. Work on gaining the trust of your child first and feeling safe with you. Be emotionally attuned to their moods and their version of truth. Create family bonding rituals on a daily basis.

4. Know that these children are sensitive to social cues. They will lie aggressively if they sense you are ready to lose it. Learn to breathe deeply when you are with your child.

5. Call “lying” as something else. Parents must choose a different term for “lying”. Lying implies a wrong action. Shouting on the child that “it is a lie” is in itself a stress trigger for the parents and the fearful child.

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